An emo post

Birthday is something everyone looks forward to.
Birthday is a day where you are the king or queen of the kingdom.
Birthday is when all your best friends come to you to wish you a happy birthday.
Birthday is one freaking awesome day where you have your own birthday cake surrounded by wishes and gifts from all your friends.

That's what I used to think birthday means.
But well maybe it just don't apply to me though.

My 21st birthday will fall on my first day of exam. So I think I will treat myself to an expensive lunch after exam and that's all. I don't hope for anything because disappoinment haunts me everytime I hope for the best on this very special day or rather a day I used to value a lot.

I lost my interest and confidence in this day. I mean how many people in this world has their birthday forgotten by those they loved and valued a lot. How many people cried on their birthday because those arround them arent sensitive enough to take into consideration of this very special day.

What i believe now is celebrate it yourself, far from others, buy yourself something good, go shopping and have a luxurious meal. That's what I will stick to from now onwards because no high hope will not land you in extreme disappoinment.

I envy those around me where their birthday is celebrated majesticly by those who care for them. I cried every single time when I watched what others had did for them. It so touching because I will never be treated like that. That's when I lost confidence in celebrating birthday. Birthday is just an ordinary day in the year nothing more nothing less.

Well if you ask me whether I have memorable birthday before? Well twice I would say. And those 2 birthday are long time ago. I appreciated those who make it memorable. They are my 16th and 18th birthday. Now I have memorable birthday as well. Memorable as how pathetic they were.

For my 21st birthday, I would wish that I will never have any birthday anymore. That's what I wish for.